Discover How to Improve Self-Esteem

Are you extremely shy in social situations? Do you get that sinking feeling in your stomach in stressful situations at work or with someone you are attracted to? Are losing your sanity with negative self-talk why you can’t seem to do what you really want to do? Is your appetite nonexistent? Have sleepless nights beating yourself over disappointing results?

There are many reasons for the symptoms listed above but I am really talking about the damages caused by low self-esteem whether in your relationship, at work or in the real world.

You may feel you are not pretty, handsome, stupid, socially awkward, and my favorite – not liked.

And there are many reasons why someone would have low self-esteem. Other than traumatic reasons, which are beyond the scope of this article and should definitely be handled by a trusted professional… most “fears” are just that – fears.

You could make the argument that I am being too simplistic and you know what? You would be right! All I am saying is “Why does fears have to be so darn complicated?” I would also say; “Why not use the concept of Occam’s Razor to deal with the problem — once and for all?”

For those who are not familiar with the principal of Occam’s Razor: it simply means that all things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one.

The simplest solution to solving your fears would be using the tools found by reading excellent books on this subject. Why not try to use bits and snatches good information

To start it off, realize that we weren’t born with fear. It was conditioned in us by societal norms and influences as we grew up.

Again, we weren’t born shy… babies don’t blush when they soil themselves.

However, I will admit one of the major reasons for lack of self-confidence would be from bullying. In fact, I was bullied in school. I did have a lack of self-confidence up to my early twenties. Even though all the aggressive cretins from school were no longer in my adult life… I still carried the trauma of lack of self-esteem. Self-doubts, anger and you-name-it. Then one day, I decided I didn’t want to be a victim anymore.

The clarity of that decision was so clear that I just knew what I had to do. I confronted all my fears by getting an education in martial arts, joined a Toastmaster Club to overcome the fear of talking in public and willed myself to talk to women.

Were any of these things easy? Heck no! But I did it and am proud of myself for doing it. Because as I see it, I could continue the same path and do nothing which would lead to massive unhappiness… OR! I could actually take MASSIVE ACTION and banish my fears and become successful in anything I want to do.

Another great example… how about that opera singer, Paul Potts? Unless you have been stuck in a cave somewhere, this 36 year-old guy had everything going against him. Medical problems, huge personal debts, and dashed dreams of being an opera star. And yet he tried ONE MORE TIME and won in the TV show – “Britain’s Got Talent.” He just blew everyone away including the unflappable Mr. Simon Cowell. I have talked with people who don’t even like opera and they were just floored with Paul Potts’ voice. If you never heard him before, I strongly urge you to check out his video at youtube.

But Paul’s underlying problem was lack of self-confidence. He admitted afterwards that he was bullied in school. He was filled with self-doubts and actually was depressed enough to consider suicide at one point.

And you know what he did next in his interview? He actually THANKED his former tormentors because they gave him the will power to keep on trying. I was just flabbergasted!

One of my favorite authors is a fellow by the name of Napoleon Hill. Although he died over thirty years ago, in his days – Napoleon Hill was a giant in the field of personal success. And I am reminded of one of his quotes — “When you are free of fear, you are free to live.”

When you are free of fear, you throw OFF the shackle that limits the opportunities that life has to offer. You start to live the life you always wanted!

I recommend that you go to your library or even to a favorite bookstore and get the book written by Robert Ringer by the name of “Winning Through Intimidation.” The title is misnamed. Robert really means that you will win when you DON’T allow yourself to be intimidated. This is an excellent and easy to read book. Although this book covers Robert’s early experience with the business people he dealt with as a real estate broker… this book CAN be applied over the broad spectrum of society.

Another book I really recommend is “The New Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz. The purpose of this book is to realize that being relaxed and focused on the results can be a MUCH better way than what most of us are doing right now.

My suggestion is to keep an open mind and try other sources that provide solutions to your fears. There is no need to reinvent the wheel when better-qualified people have written books that are effective for building self-confidence. When you realize that fears can be banished… your life will be open to new and unlimited possibilities that were never there before…

In short, make building your self-esteem YOUR responsibility — and the world — is your oyster…

So check out my website for dating books, dating tips and dating advice to help YOU live the life you dream of! And besides… what can be more important than finding a special someone to share your life with?

Read Book Review of Gaining Massive Self Confidence Now!

http://www.moderndatingsite.com/relationship-advice-books/meet-your-sweet/supreme-self-confidence/

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Self Esteem

January 18, 2011

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Exempt By Contempt

“I can’t believe how closed-minded he is.”

We might conclude that the person who says this is pretty open-minded. After all the more open-minded one is, the less one is able to believe how closed-minded other people can be, right?

Not necessarily. For three reasons, it’s easier to detect others’ closed-mindedness than one’s own. First, it’s more fun and profitable to notice other people’s faults. Second, we tend to diagnose others by our personal standards. (“He’s closed-minded because he disagrees with me.”) Third, seeing through one’s own closed-mindedness defeats its purposes–and yes, closed-mindedness does have purposes.

When we’re thinking of closed-mindedness as a vice, we tend to follow a four-step recipe for convincing ourselves and others that we are exempt from that vice.

Exempt by contempt recipe:

1. Show contempt for another person’s closed-mindedness.

2. Thereby deem oneself an expert about who is and is not closed-minded.

3. As an expert, do a conclusive self-examination finding a total absence of closed-mindedness.

4. For added effect, return to step one, showing greater contempt.

The Exempt by contempt recipe can be applied to other so-called vices, such as self-deceptiveness, ego, and self-indulgence (each of which also has its virtues). The recipe is consistent with what Freud called “projecting,” finding in others the traits one is loath to see in oneself. But here’s the rub: Not every critique of others is a projection. Sometimes they really are more closed-minded than you.

Exempt by contempt is a weak argument in defense of one’s relative virtue. Just because one can spot someone else’s vice but not one’s own, it doesn’t necessarily mean one don’t have that vice. Still, Exempt by contempt is remarkably persuasive. In politics, it’s key to mudslinging, that reigning strategy for persuading voters of one’s relative virtue.

Notice Exempt by Contempt as it flies by in your thoughts and your conversations. You’ll be more discerning about criticism of yourself and others.
Jeremy Sherman Ph.D. teaches life and social sciences, is executive director of the UC Berkeley Project on Emergent Dynamics, a program to develop a comprehensive theory on how purpose, goal setting and the pursuit of success emerged from a universe governed only by the laws of phyics and chemistry–a program to put goal-seeking behavior in a fully scientific context. Jeremy writes an article a week for the free e-newsletter and podcast “Mind Readers Dictionary: Tips for reading between the lines with greater comprehension.”

Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D.

http://www.mindreadersdictionary.com

js@mindreadersdictionary.com

Self Esteem

January 11, 2011

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Self-Confidence – 3 Things You Can Do When You Have None

Self-confidence is one of the keys to achieving success – you hear that everywhere. Most people think self-confidence is a result of success, but it’s actually an ingredient of success. How do you gain self-confidence so you can attract the success you seek?

1. Fake it!

Though it sounds ridiculous, faking confidence when you have none will actually give you some! Self-confidence is a perception held by you and others. If you act self-confident whether you feel it or not, others will perceive you as self-confident and be more willing to follow your lead, take you seriously and listen to what you have to say. It’s the great paradox where confidence is concerned, almost a “which comes first, the chicken or the egg” situation. Have a little faith in yourself and soon you won’t have to fake it anymore.

2. Take risks.

There’s no need to fake confidence if you live each day like the day before. All of that is known territory – you’ve been there, done that. The most direct route to self-confidence is to take calculated risks and examine your results. Will you make mistakes? Absolutely, but those mistakes contribute as much to growing your self-confidence as your victories, particularly if you resist the urge to use them to beat yourself up. No one gets it right every single time and to require that from yourself is self-sabotage at its best. Start with small steps outside of your comfort zone and build your confidence step by step.

3. Stop doubting yourself by default.

We all have that little voice of doubt inside our heads. The trick is to learn when to pay attention to it and when to ignore it. I am a firm believer in “following your gut” and I’ve had to learn the difference between intuition and self-doubt. For me, what works best is to listen to what that doubting voice is actually saying. If its message is mainly lack of belief in your ability or your deservedness, then ignore it and forge ahead. As you gain self-confidence, you’ll hear from that little voice of doubt less and less often.

The dictionary defines self-confidence as confidence in oneself and in one’s powers and abilities without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance. This is exactly what you gain when you fake it, take risks and stop letting doubt control your next move.

Suzanne Bird-Harris is an accomplished writer, trainer and coach with more than 20 years experience assisting women in stealing back their thunder by shortening their learning curves in life. Receive Suzanne’s GIFT to you: “Go to the Balcony to Get a Grip!” (e-book) and her FREE newlsetter (a $257 value) by registering your name and email address at http://www.LearningCurveCoaching.com

Self Esteem

December 24, 2010

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Purpose In Life – Having The Self Confidence To Reach Your Full Potential

Having a lack of self confidence has stopped millions of people from fulfilling their purpose in life; don’t let that happen to you. You have great things to do with your life that no one else can do. Here are 3 keys to help you increase your self confidence so that you can reach your purpose in life.

1. Focus on your positives.

You have more talents and abilities than you give yourself credit for. If you want to increase your self confidence you have to begin to focus on your positives and not your perceived negatives. Every time that you find yourself talking bad about yourself force yourself to stop even if you are in mid-sentence. The more you think about yourself in a positive way the more your self confidence will increase.

2. Get a mentor.

Find someone that you can be mentored or coached under. A mentor or coach will be able to help you do things that will increase your confidence. They will be there to be an encouragement to you as well as give you a good kick in the rear when you need. Everyone that has ever been successful in life has had a mentor or coach. You will be amazed how much this will help your confidence.

3. Surround yourself with people that believe in you.

This may not always be easy because sometimes your family, the ones you usually are around the most, can be the people that make you doubt yourself. Find ways of getting around people that believe in you and your potential. If you are always around people that discourage you it will be very difficult stay motivated and positive.
Is there greatness on the inside of you but you don’t know how to achieve it? Jason has just completed his brand new 7 part e-course, ‘Find Your Greatness’

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Jason Osborn has dedicated himself to changing thousands of lives by helping people find their greatness and true potential through his Find Your Greatness Newsletter.

Self Esteem

December 19, 2010

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Low Self-Esteem – Does it Linger?

People with a healthy high self-esteem is one who views life in a positive way. Although self esteem development should generally start from early childhood, it is never too late to fix past mistakes and try to build self esteem in adulthood. Self esteem is how one views himself, either negatively or positively.

Low self-esteem will prevent you from showing your real potential. Remember, if you have a low self-esteem, you should try, as much as possible, to overcome it as soon as possible. You may never discover what you can do if only you have the confidence.

Self esteem is very important in a ones’ life. It determines what an individual would do or how they would perform. It literally means how a person views himself. A person with very high self-esteem may be very successful in life. Those who have a high self-esteem trust themselves so that they can get the job done. However, not everybody trust themselves and their capabilities. These people have very low self-esteem.

You probably not notice it but low self-esteem will eventually take its toll on you. If you have low self-esteem, you are going to be noticed more easily . If you are not quite sure why, then let the following descriptions shed some light.

Usually, you think of yourself as someone who is quiet and shy for most of the time, sometimes to the point that you think you are the lowest of the low. You do not believe in your raw talents or on the things that you can accomplish, and you just stay quiet even though you know, deep down in your heart of hearts, that you can do it. If these things happen to you, then something in you questions your capability to execute certain tasks because you feel like you lack the confidence to get the job done.

Low self-esteem actually holds and suffocates you. It keeps you from doing something that you can actually do successfully. It also prevents you from doing something great. Low self-esteem must be erased from every person’s mind so that everyone can perform to the best of their abilities.

When you were born, you did not have low self-esteem. It is not innate. It is developed through hardships and trials. Some events may cause you to lose your confidence. These same events are most usually traumatic and it stays inside your head, which is the reason why you tend to lose your self-esteem bit by bit, sometimes, even as a whole.

For example, you getting humiliated in public, or you made a bad decision, in some point of your life, that cost you something that was significant or very precious to you. Another example would be that, something bad happened in your childhood and it made you lose your self-esteem. Basically, every person does not have low self-esteem or high self esteem at birth, but everyone has a self-esteem that is of medial rate, and it is only your experiences that decides whether you will be having a low one or a high one.

Once your self esteem is lost, does that mean that you will never ever going to have high self esteem again? The answer is definitely not. So, how do you build self esteem? You can actually regain it and boost self esteem. If you have a low self esteem because of previous terrible experiences, one way to remove this problem is to face that certain bad experience and turn it into a good one.

You will have to make that bad thing into something that is more productive. In that way, every time you run into that experience, or any other event that is closely related to the aforementioned, what you will take from it is only the good thing and not the bad feeling you got.

You should always keep in mind that you should protect your self esteem. It is important for the people around you, but more important for your own well-being. You must also remember to teach your kids the values and abilities in order for them to be able to conserve their self esteem. You should ingrain in them confidence to face each day with their heads up high, because low self esteem or lack of confidence will decide what kind of a person they will be.

Andrew Chin is a recognized authority on the subject of Self Esteem.

His web site on How to build self esteem provides a wealth of information on Low Self Esteem.

Self Esteem

December 10, 2010

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